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A recommendation!

April 17, 2018in Ask Brown Dog0

Dad gives me dental treats every morning and I LUVS them! It would be a BAD thing if we ran out. Mom ordered some from chewy.com, and thanks to the crazy weather it got lost on the way. They sent me an email telling me, and that a new one was on the way. I sent them a reply saying I was sad they did not come, but thank you for making sure I got my yummies. They then said we are sorry you are sad, we will also refund your money. Chewey.com ROCKS!!

The Brown Dog Fitness Program 2 … push ups

May 26, 2016in Ask Brown Dog0

Day one of #22pushups for #22KILL, with a little help >>>

To see me actually DO the push ups, click here.

Bed making 101

May 3, 2016in Ask Brown Dog0

The Brown Dog Fitness Program

March 13, 2016in Ask Brown Dog0
Cult Fun 0060
With hard work this could be you!

With spring threatening (pretending?) to appear, it is time for those of us who have been seduced by the winter season to work of those pesky inches that holiday food and hiding from the snow puts on. At least that’s what my human claims. But I have noticed since we have gotten back from our wanderings, he has expanded a bit. I have taken it upon myself to establish a workout routine that should have him ready to keep up with me once out in the world again. Those of you who have less than energetic humans might like some of my techniques.

 

  • Sunrise (or earlier) Wake up your slothful human (if necessary). Make it evident how badly you need to go walkies. Prance around until your human has put their skin on and taken you out the door. Then be sure to tug your human at a pace that will pull them along. Once they match that pace, stop short frequently, being sure to put serious pressure on their shoulder sockets. How many times should you do this? There are a lot of factors. The crappier the weather, the more times you should do it. The more tired your human, the more times. In both those situations, make sure that it takes longer. This would be a good time to go if you actually have to go.
  • Sunrise + 1/2 hour Insist on playing with your human. Make sure you do it loudly and all over the house, so your human needs to chase you around. Maybe you will wake the other humans too so they can benefit. Don’t push to hard, let your human rest for a bit after this.
  • Breakfast time Wake up your slothful human (if necessary). Make it evident how badly you need to go walkies. Prance around until your human has put their skin on and taken you out the door. Then be sure to tug your human at a pace that will pull them along. Once they match that pace, stop short frequently, being sure to put serious pressure on their shoulder sockets. How many times should you do this? There are a lot of factors. The crappier the weather, the more times you should do it. The more tired your human, the more times. In both those situations, make sure that it takes longer. This would be a good time to go if you actually have to go.
  • After Breakfast  Every 10-15 minutes, insist on getting your human’s attention, no matter what they are doing. Make sure you are completely unclear on what it is you actually want, but don’t leave them alone until they follow you around trying to figure out what it is.
  • Early afternoon Wake up your slothful human (if necessary). Make it evident how badly you need to go walkies. Prance around until your human has put their skin on and taken you out the door. Then be sure to tug your human at a pace that will pull them along. Once they match that pace, stop short frequently, being sure to put serious pressure on their shoulder sockets. How many times should you do this? There are a lot of factors. The crappier the weather, the more times you should do it. The more tired your human, the more times. In both those situations, make sure that it takes longer. This would be a good time to go if you actually have to go.
  • Rest of the day Every 10-15 minutes, insist on getting your human’s attention, no matter what they are doing. Make sure you are completely unclear on what it is you actually want, but don’t leave them alone until they follow you around trying to figure out what it is.

Follow this routine, and in no time you will have a fit human you will be proud to have by your side in public.

*Hints for diet … to make sure your human is eating well, only eat what they eat. Don’t let the get away with giving you anything else. Be careful, they can be stubborn about this.

A few life hacks …

December 22, 2015in Ask Brown Dog2

Brown Dog's Adventures Begin0048

How to make the most of a trying life …

  • It never (rarely?) hurts to ask.
  • If the answer is no … ask again.
  • If the answer is still no … see previous tip.
  • When all else fails, look cute.
  • If the answer is still no, go to sleep.
  • If you are hungry, it is time to eat. See first tip.
  • If you have to go, you have to go. See first tip.
  • When you are not eating, pooping or sleeping … PLAY!
  • NOTHING is so urgent that you can’t stop and smell the flowers (and the air, and the grass, and the tree, and the sidewalk, and the fire hydrant, and the … just smell anything worth smelling)!

It does not take much to live a happy life. Hopefully these tips will help those who have not gotten it yet.

I understand.

September 13, 2015in Ask Brown Dog0

understanding

Brown Dog’s Guide to Walking Your Pet Human

August 5, 2015in Ask Brown Dog0

For those young pups out there that have not fully  embraced that … well … YOU run the show, here are a few useful tips on proper going “walkies, potty, poop, out, for a walk, {insert your pet human’s favorite phrase here}” procedures.

When to go:

  • The best time to go is when your human is otherwise occupied (i.e. sleeping, working, watching t.v., eating, etc.)

General walking hints:

  • If your human is foolish enough to let you out the door without that infernal leash on, immediately take off after an animal of your choice. If no such animal actually presents itself, take off after it anyway. How long it takes you to return is entirely up to you and how happy you are with your human at the moment.
  • Make sure your energy level is the exact opposite of your human’s. If they seem in a hurry, walk slow. If the are casually walking, pull them, pull them HARD!
  • If it is raining, snowing, or otherwise unpleasant, walk slow unless your human is, in which case look at the previous tip.
  • If it smells good, use your magic dog skill to suddenly gain 200 lbs and firmly plant your feet.
  • If they stop, keep going. If they want you to go somewhere, make sure you go anywhere but there.
  • If you see a possible new friend (species does not matter), pull hard towards them.
  • Sniff EVERYTHING.

When and where to go:

  • Keep it random. Don’t let your human anticipate you.
  • Sniff. If the location has the gall of not being peed or pooped on by anyone, go.
  • If there seems some indication that one should not go there, go.
  • If you have peed or pooped there before, go.
  • If a friend peed or pooped there before, go.
  • If a non-friend peed or pooped there before, go.
  • If you feel like it, go.
  • If your human insists, DON’T go.

Poop quality:

  • Examine the terrain. If it will be easy for your human to scoop it up, or it is an area that it can be left, make the poop nice and firm. If it is in an area where others walk all the time, it would be difficult to scoop up, or it would cause your human embarrassment or other difficulties, make the poop soft and squishy.

I hope you all take these tips to heart, so that you can fully enjoy your waste removal experience.